So-called Online dating: Patterns of Scam

So-called Online dating: Patterns of Scam 

Ipemndoh dan Iyan in Venezia (Venice)

What is ‘Scam’? Most would assume that they know what it is, and presume they can exemplify it precisely. Most of these most who believe they can illustrate ‘Scam’ absolutely are wrong in their Assumption that they know what a ‘Scam’ is. ‘Scam’ is defined Conduct but this Conduct is not restricted to a particular Action or easily recognizable Sets of Actions. The legal Way to understand ‘Scam’, in fact, the only normative(ly) logical Way to appreciate it, is to have a firm Grasp of Conduct determined as ‘Scam’. The Cambridge Dictionary offers a ‘cognitive friendly’© Definition of ‘Scam’ as “a dishonest plan for making money or getting an advantage, especially one that involves tricking people ...” I see ‘Scam’ in the same Way as the Cambridge Dictionary, and beyond and will render it more broadly as ‘deploying Deceit to obtain pecuniary Edge’© My Rendition  allows for the many Ways in which ‘Scam’ can be perpetuated.© Ipemndoh dan Iyan PhM

Preamble 

This Blog is concerned only with discussing so-called Online dating Sites and the varied Scams the honest Man using their Services encounters. I am male and I cannot profess to be au fait, or even in the least familiar, with the Experiences of Women relying on these Sites to find Companionship cum Love cum serious Relationship. Although I am heterosexual, and I write solely from this Existence, I can assume that except for the Choice of Companionship, the Experiences of Men sincerely searching for who to be with would more or less reflect one another.

Let me lay the Ground by saying that honest Men Users of so-called Online dating Sites are confronted with scamming from Users there for the Purposes of scamming, and also from the so-called Online dating Platforms themselves. The ‘Scam’ from ‘labelled Scammers’© – Men who camouflage as Women to defraud genuine male Users – and the ‘Scam’ by the so-called Online dating Platforms themselves are ‘mutually-reinforcing’©

It is not “Romance Scam” Stupid  

The compound Expression of “romance scam” is self-contradicting. It is a Misnomer. ‘Romance’, they say, involves “Affection,” “Intimacy” and “Passion” although I am not sure about the ‘Affection’ bit. A Man or a Woman might engage in an intense sexual Affair outside a ‘supposedly-committed Relationship'© with another Person without necessarily feeling ‘Affection’ for this other Person. The Infidelity could just be from the Adventure (Thrill) or Dare of playing the Field. My Comprehension of ‘Scam’ you have met in my indented Commentary above. However, in whatever Manner anyone wishes to define ‘Romance’, it cannot be properly defined without recognizing the Element of ‘physical Attraction’© drawing together the Participants in that Romance, no Matter the Extent of Degree from either Participant. So, how can there be something called “romance scam” when the Scammer has never met the Victim, is not physically drawn to the Victim, has no  Desire for Intimacy with the Victim or feels any Passion for the Victim? 

Also, there is no such thing as “Online dating.” It is so ridiculous a Conception. To date one another, there must be physical Contact. To highlight this preposterous Proposition is why I prefixed ‘Online dating Sites' with ‘so-called’. The so-called Online dating Sites are misrepresenting their Services. These Sites are no more than ‘Dating Opportunity Online Platform’©, period. ‘Dating’, ipso facto, is outside the Purview of these Charlatan ‘Online dating’ Sites. They create scamming Opportunities with their primordial Era Sense of Alarm to Users not to exchange Mobile Numbers quickly post meeting on those Sites. This Alarm is directed implicitly at female Users. If One is unable to see it for the Absurdity that it is, One would believe it is Warning well intentioned. 

‘Dating’ might demonstrate ‘Affection’, ‘Intimacy’ and ‘Passion’ or it might not, but ‘dating’ is the Bastion of the most honest Form of Companionship. ‘Dating’ might imply a future committed Relationship but it is not a Promise, but a Suggestion. It is here in this Arena of ‘dating’ that Truthfulness must prevail, in the Search for a Date and in being together with a Date. It makes for a solid future committed Relationship. Whether it is dating or it is Romance, the two Persons in it, aware of it or not, are voluntarily participating within ‘attendant Principles’© but which are  ‘uncodified Principles’© The Online dating ‘Scam’ defies these Principles, and inevitably cannot be explained or even described as ‘dating Scam’ or “romance scam.” It is simply criminal Activity with a particular ‘target Victim’ in Mind. 

The familiar Pattern – Scam by ‘Scammer-Members’© of so-called Online dating Platforms

This Type of Scam is straightforward in its Simplicity. The Scammer could be a Male pretending to be female or a Female whose main Purpose on the so-called Online dating Site is to ensnare male Victims. The Scammer engages in all Forms of Acts to deceive the genuine Man s/he is really keen on him. If the Scammer is actually a Woman, she would not like you calling her on the Phone where she has given you her Phone Number. If she did not tell you she was busy or just about to go out, she would be quite restrained in talking to you. This is somebody who has chatted with you so heartily online or by WhatsApp or Text. After much leading you on, whether it is a Man pretending to be a Woman or a Woman proper, the Scammer begins to apply the Squeeze in demanding Money. It starts with little Things; small Requests. Then, the Demands grow in Rapidity and in Volume. 

I engaged in the so-called Online dating for the first time in 2017 and was immediately toyed with emotionally and scammed financially. It was long Distance and I could afford to be scammed materially. You see, most of us scammed for Money could afford it otherwise how could we be scammed for Money? What was painful was the emotional Assault. Stealing my Money was not fair, and can never be, but abusing my Emotions was simply inhuman and beneath Contempt. 

I returned to a very popular Online chatting Platform this 2023 about three Weeks ago and re-engaged myself in the so-called Online dating about a Week ago. Now, in 2023, I am prepared not to allow any Fraud to take Advantage of my Weakness in searching for the One who would complement and compliment my Life as I desire to do similarly for her.

I met a Lady on the popular chatting Platform, at least, the Profile claimed to belong to a Female. I am not sure who contacted who. She claimed to work in Edinburgh, almost next Door to the Town in which I live. Within Hours of our initial Chat, she requested that we transferred our chatting to WhatsApp. I agreed even though the Platform warns against consenting to such Requests early after making Contact. Primordial Era Alarm. I am an Adult, for goodness Sake; so what if I released my Mobile Number within Hours of meeting online with her? Our chatting lasted 8 Days without setting Eyes on each other. She was quite talkative, which I liked, initiating Chats with me many times a Day including sending Images of her Meals, Shops/Places she went to, and herself  (no Nudes or suggestive). On my Part, I took her on a Photo and Video Walk through the three times Green Flag Award winning Park in the Town I live. The Wilton Lodge Park in Hawick in the Scottish Borders in Scotland is quite a stunning Park, actually. On a Side of it runs the River Teviot and on the opposite Side where the Hawick Museum is situated splashes an impressive Waterfall which transforms into a Stream and Pockets of what I call ‘mini-Waterfalls’. I took Photos of the Insides of the Museum for her. I was ready for a great Relationship. I even wrote her a Poem. She would enjoy the River Teviot, as I do, all the time, from the Bedroom and Kitchen Windows of my Apartment and watch the Birds swim, I told myself. After all, she loved the Photo and Video Walk. You have to be lucky to catch the Birds swimming though, but there is no Luck in hearing them make Love around my Bathroom Window. I live on the top Floor so I pride myself as living in a ‘Penthouse’. The Birds are always chattering excitedly. At times, you would find little Feathers in my Bathroom when I had left the Window slightly opened. That tells a lot, does it not? 

When I had asked this Lady for us to meet physically she had declined it with “too soon.” I did not mention it again until she dropped the Egg. She would always ask me what I would be doing for the Day. On the fourth Day after we came across each other, she asked me what my “Plans” for the Day were. This was past 1000hrs in the Morning. I apprised her that I would be going to Edinburgh but I did not request to meet with her. All of a sudden she was going to Manchester on this same Day with her Work Team. Unluckily for her, it had been raining heavily on this Day in Edinburgh from around Dawn. The Rain was down pouring too in my Town from around the same time. For the talkative that she is, she never once mentioned the Rain. Neither did I because I knew s/he would pick up the Thread. I already knew s/he was not anywhere in the UK. S/he sent me a Photo of a Meal – one of many – in a Restaurant and told me the Cost and Tip in $. This is the UK; we spend £. She would send me Photos of Shops and I would ask her for Names but she would always not know. She sent me the Photo of a Camp Site she was at on a Day. When I asked her for the Location, she said she did know because her “Colleague” at taken her there. When I requested her to ask the “Colleague,” she responded that she was “not in the mood” to ask. Wow, I must be very stupid. 

She dropped the Egg on the Day she supposedly went to Manchester. On the Day it rained in Edinburgh that she did not know of. She sprang it on me that she wanted me to visit her Online Shop. I knew it. S/he had been fattening me up. This was my first Time of hearing about this Shop. I played the Game and asked her how to access it. After s/he had given me the Direction, conscious that there could be Malware waiting for me, I asked her why I needed to visit her Online Shop. She replied that she wanted me to advise her on it. I insisted that I have to see her and we would together visit her Website. Two Days later her Request changed from visiting her Online Shop to buying one for her. Contradiction. You see, I spend on Women and I have bought them Things they either could not afford or considered worth the Price. I have been brought almost to financial Ruin twice by being this stupid  So, it is not, in superficie, about spending Money on Women. 

I had advised her previously that if we do not get to meet in reasonable Time I would start looking elsewhere but will remain her “WhatsApping Friend” until I find the Someone for me. She still declined to meet with me, but required me to buy her an Online Business. A Day later, she stopped chatting with me. What does that tell a sensible Person? She, or perhaps he using Images of an innocent Female, is a Scammer. Now, s/he has removed her Profile Image from our WhatsApp Link.

I have described here my Experience but I am pretty sure it resonates with the Experiences of Millions of Others.

The unrecognized Pattern – Scam by the so-called Online dating Platforms

I have joined five so-called Online dating Sites. The popular chatting Platform makes it six. After all, the Objective is to find someone with whom I could jell. The more open my Field the better my Chances. The popular chatting Platform costs nothing to subscribe to. I  joined the Others fully aware I would pay Subscription Fees, but what are around £100 in total joining Fees in my Search for the Someone? Nothing. I had presupposed that Subscription entitled me to unlimited Communication. This was what happened in 2017 when I was on a Subscription Fee so-called Online dating Platform. In fact, the first Platform I joined in 2023 where I spent between £70 & £80 in two Days had advertised  “unlimited” Communication “with regular users” but how would I recognize or even identify “regular users?” This Site kept cutting me off in the middle of Conversations demanding that I recharged to continue. This is how the between £70 & £80 accumulated. So, this Site was, prima facie, bilking me on Whims. This is Misrepresentation/False Representation of Services. UK Law disapproves of this Conduct. It is unlawful. Another Site misdirects Users to use Video as the better Way of chatting but never advised that Credits would run out quickly or that the Video is without Audio or that you would still be writing to chat with the Person at the other End. This is False Advertising, another unlawful Conduct in the UK Jurisdiction. The Person I video-called said she could not see my Face but I saw her's. Now, she wants us to chat normally. I passed. On a third Platform, I ran up some Costs after talking to just three Women, I think, and I stopped communicating. On the fourth and fifth Sites, I am simply not responding to the Scores, if not Hundreds, of Messages to me. How could I with the prohibitive Cost of chatting? I would be living from Hand to Mouth soon if I do. It is your Guess how poor I would become if I continued in this Manner.

All of these so-called Online dating Sites I joined warn Users not to exchange Telephone Numbers soon after Contact. They claim it is a Safety Thing. Bollocks. This is Alarm for the primordial Era from primitive Minds. What exactly is not safe about exchanging telephone Numbers for WhatsApp communicating, even for calling and texting? Is either Party – Man or Woman – going to travel through Radio Signals to assault the Other or in any other Way force themselves on the Other? We all are Adults. We can agree on the Boundaries of our interacting away from the chatting Pages of these so-called Online dating Sites. If any Party breached those Boundaries, the aggrieved Party can block the Nuisance Party. What is unsafe is to either give out or exchange personal Information such as Home Address, Work Address or even Employment Details before ascertaining, as best as One could, the Harmlessness of the Person One is chatting with. I think what these “Women” refusing to exchange Mobile Numbers for WhatsApping Purposes are afraid of is being caught if One were to request WhatsApp Video-calling with them. Of course, they would refuse flatly or duck around it if they were Men pretending to be Women or are Women but not anything like the Photos in their Profiles. This Refusal or Duck would then the Antenna of the intelligent Man buzzing.

The Truth of the Matter is that these so-called Online dating Platforms issue this primordial Era Alarm about sharing Mobile Numbers for Business Gain. It is pecuniary Interest. If the Woman does not give her Number to the Bloke, he would need to buy Credits upon Credits to be able to continue to talk to her. You know what? The Woman pays Nada to chat.  She can send as many Messages as she wants. In UK Law, this is sexual Discrimination against Men. Thus, these so-called Online dating Sites’ Alarm about Mobile Number Exchange is their surreptitious Way of ensuring that they can continue to relieve Men of substantial Sums of Money by implicitly forcing them to buy Credits upon Credits to chat with Women they have already connected with. It is, ergo, printing Money for these so-called Online dating Sites. Unwittingly to themselves, these so-called Online dating Sites facilitate our familiar Pattern of Scam, that perpetrated by Users who join specifically to scam Others. These Scammers, whether Men pretending to be Women or Women intending to fleece Men, hide behind the specious as well as spurious Alarm not to exchange Mobile Numbers. It is manifestly insane to believe, in our western World, that anyone can be pestered by Phone Calls when one can easily block the annoying Call or WhatsApp Chat. If it is unsolicited Video, one can also block it, and if it borders on Criminality, one should have the Sense to report it to the Police. Importantly, how can a Woman – or a Man for that matter – met on the so-called Online dating Site be harassed physically when s/he has not divulged Address(es)?

Scammers convert this irrational Alarm about Mobile Number Exchange to the Mechanism they use to string along hapless Men until they are ready to strike with their Venom of either coaxing or intimidating their Catch’s Sympathy to make him part with his Money without having met Face to Face with him. You see, most Men are Idiots. They just want to put their Thing between Thighs deceiving themselves they are conquering while it might really be the Woman collecting Scalps. A Woman can collect my Scalp only if I am senselessly in Love with her. I am no Pain Reliever or a ‘Woman’s Assurance of herself’© I am no willing ‘Woman’s Expediency’© or ‘Insecurity Salve’© I am not here talking about the “working girl.” She is not collecting Scalps. It is strictly Business, and I respect that. There should be no Feelings involved and it is why I am afraid to do them. I feel. I do not do ‘extra-marital’ too if you are not ready to leave your Husband, and I am not even going to take only your Word for it. I do not share Women and I do not let another Woman divert my Attention from my Woman. So, you see, even if you are only with a Boyfriend, I am your “no go Area.” I have approached Women who advised me they are with someone. That had been it for me. I am not a ‘Saint’, mind you. I have shared three times but never within my ‘moral Marriage’© You know, in the UK we can be tied in a ‘legal Marriage’ when the Affection, Attraction, Companionship, Intimacy, Love, Mutuality, and so on are already gone but a Partner is being bloody-minded. 

One of my three Occasions of sharing was with a most physically beautiful Woman and an intellectual. This was about 33 Years ago and she was around 8 Years my elder. I could not have enough of her, but she never led me on. She always reminded me she would go back to her Husband. Eventually, I left. I was seeking the unattainable, but we remained Friends. On her penultimate Day in the UK, she was from eastern Europe, she called me to be with her. We went for Walks and we talked. We spent many Hours together, walking, talking, sitting, just enjoying each Other’s Presence. She kept holding my Hand. At  her Doorstep in the early Hours of her last Day, she apprised me that she had talked to a ‘white’ British Man about me. This Man knew she was married and had asked her what she would have done if she had fallen pregnant for me. Then, she dropped the cluster Bomb on me. She looked me straight in the Eye and said that she would have kept our Baby. A ‘mixed Identity’© Child in a ‘white’ Marriage? I was stunned because I realized the Implication. She would choose me above her Marriage. All I could say was “did you love me that much? You never even once said you love me.” She shook her Head and responded with “you are stupid.” We were together for about six Months or a Year. She called me once or twice when she got back to her Country. A Year or so later, she came to London on a Business Trip. She called me. We met at her Holiday Let. She showed me around. We talked. I enjoyed her Presence as always. We were just so good together. The following Day, she called me and she was so mad with me and at me. She asked: “why did you not make love to me yesterday? Why did we not have sex?” I began to stutter some Form of Excuse and was apologizing. I promised to come see her again, but she told me not to bother and that she no longer want to keep in Contact with me. All three times of sharing were awful for me, painful and disorienting, and I promised I would not again subject myself to such Punishment.

The Unreason of Female Users or the Idiocy of ‘pretend Females’© on the so-called Online dating Sites

When I was not responding to Messages to me from Women on two of the so-called Online dating Sites, I began to receive Abuse, especially on the third Site where I had spoken with only three Persons. They were throwing all Sorts of Castigation at me under the Excuse that I was “ignor[ing]” them. They were simply vitriolic. On the Platform where I spent between £70 & £80 in two Days, I was bashed as “impolite” by one Lady with whom I had agreed to have “Coffee.” So, okay I had not told her of the Costs of talking to her and the Others but I had intimated it to one of the Others with whom I believed we actually jelled. I gave her my Number but she wrote back to insist on chatting on the Site. I walked. I refreshed my Credits with £18 short a Penny to explain to the Others the Cost Issue but I could only send one Message each to the four of them before I was again cut off. £18 for four Messages? Accompanying my Messages to these Ladies was my Telephone Number with the Suggestion that we could continue on WhatsApp. I gave all of them my full Names and asked them to web search me and compare my Photos on the Internet and the Photos uploaded on my Profiles on the so-called Online dating Sites. They all came back to me insisting they prefer chatting with me on the so-called Online dating Platforms. One of them came out so rudely to say “I don’t trust you.” I have huge Presence on the World Wide Web. Some lowlives are even using my Names and/or my published Books to publicize their Activities (Products and Services) and this Person was so uncouth to throw in my Face “I don’t trust you” simply because I asked her to transfer our conversing to WhatsApp for me to save Cost. The Lady with whom I thought we jelled, and who was the first I alerted to the Cost Issue but who flatly refused to communicate with me by WhatsApp sent me an Email apologizing and asking me to "give [her] another Chance." What the ...? She has my Mobile Number, for good goodness Sake. WhatsApp me. I have now cancelled my Membership on this Platform but it would still run to December 2023.

For my Part, I began to suspect that these Women themselves are not real either in being Men hiding behind Photos of Women or are Women who are seeking to scam Men. I did not go on that Platform to flirt. I made it clear on my Profile that I am looking for a seriously long term Relationship. So, if they are not willing to talk to me by WhatsApp, how are we ever going to go on a physical Date, seeing each other in the Flesh, being in each other’s Presence, sharing real Time Warmth of each other and exploring what could be or not be? It is not about bedding each other at the first Meet. It is about meeting and knowing whether or not the Other’s Presence is what you would enjoy, and perhaps show off. What if, for Instance, the Mouth smells? It is a turnoff for me. You might say I have a Phobia – albeit I am not sure you would be correct – about smelly Breaths. I always asked Dentists if my Mouth stinks and they invariably say it does not. Let me digress a little here. I once went to a Hospital – Years before Covid-19 – about a Tooth. I was seeking an Extraction. I was attended to by this young (and beautiful) female dental Surgeon. I informed her that I feel my Breath/Mouth stinks. She put on her Face Mask to examine my Mouth. Within Minutes she had removed the Face Mask to continue her Examination of the troubling Tooth. That simply assured me, without her saying it, that I was wrong about my Mouth/Breath smelling. Within the last Month or so, I went for a Consultation regarding dental Implants. After the Examination, the Dentist told me he was surprised I have no Gum Disease as he was expecting with my being a Diabetic. So, you see, I am fastidious about oral Hygiene. It is not as if I cannot fall hopelessly in Love with Women with awful Breaths. I have before, but I would rather not, anymore. It disturbs my Wellbeing. I am sure there are Women out there who would want to vomit from horrid Smells from Men’s Mouths. Mind you, I too have had a smelly Mouth at some Point and I was quite aware of it before a Girlfriend mentioned it during sexual Intimacy and pointing at the Source. It was a badly fitted Bridge which defied string or tape flossing. I was flossing everyday, believe me. Might be if there were Water flossing at the time it might have helped. The Stink, although noticeable only when someone kissed me, distressed me so much that I got the Bridge replaced.

Until some Days ago, I had been talking to a Lady for Days on one of the other three Sites I joined. She approached me. From the Message she sent me, I  found her Mind extremely attractive; this is an intellectual Mind. It is Mind in a Woman that would make me fall in Love with her over and over again. It is Mind that will always bring me alive. In Addition, we want the same Things and she tells me she is keen on me. I offered to travel to her, she said no. I asked for WhatsApp Communication, she insisted she does not want to “get too close” to me yet. What exactly does that mean? WhatsApp chatting gets you close to Someone? So, if WhatsApp messaging gets a Woman close to a Prospective, how come the so-called Online dating messaging that costs the Earth does not? Hogwash. She is still talking. I tried to ignore her but I could not. I really want her in my Life. Eventually, I attempted to respond to her because she was now writing like a broken Heart. What happened? The Online dating Service stated: “You are about to subscribe to recurring payment service! This allows merchant to make payments with your card automatically at regular intervals.” What does take “payments ... automatically at regular intervals” mean? At any Rate, it is fair Warning that the Site could raid my Account at Will. I did not proceed. So, here I am, not able to state my Case again to this Lady. However, on Reflection, the pertinent Considerations are as follow. (1) If I were a Scammer, should she not count herself lucky that I was not able to get my Way with her, and have diverted my Attention to other possible Preys? I would, if I were her, see myself as ‘the One that got away’ and would immediately cease Contact. (2) The Manner she keeps pursuing me in the Online dating Chat Pages suggests to me that she is either a Man pretending to be a Woman or a Woman set on scamming Men. If she is sincere about us, why would she not WhatsApp me? This Woman has my Mobile Number. If she is real, but seeks to know more about me through regular contact before finally committing herself, she would WhatsApp me and we will continue exploring ourselves. I hope she does not delay in doing this because, seriously, I ain’t got the Time. If she is a Scammer, she would continue moaning on the Site messaging Board. I am not anymore making myself vulnerable. Well, she continues to moan. She even wrote me a Letter and continued to send Chats. Update: The Lady’s Moans won. Despite my Reflections, I have now gone ahead and bought the Credit with which to chat to her. If she is real, I need to understand her Fear of not getting close. See? I really want to be with her. Do not worry, I ain’t getting scammed for Money. I am sending my Reply to her Letter – I need the Chat Credits for that too – after I have published this Blog. I want to share the Publication Link with her. 

On the third Platform where I chatted with three Women, I was only able to explain the financial Burden to one of them before my Credit was expired. On this Site, I have over 200 Hearts whatever that means. I suppose the Figure represents Messages sent to me. The Lady I elaborated the chatting Costs’ Absurdity to, still wanted me to stay on talking to her writing “not even for me?” Come on; I do not know her. I would not have approached her in the first Place. She approached me (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that). She wants an Acquaintanceship’. In Addition, her Profile was a Shell except for her Name/Alias and what she was looking for. She had only a Photo. If I had asked her to then pay for my Credits to talk to her, she would right away conclude me a Scammer. She would be silly though, extremely so, to think of moi, Ipemndoh dan Iyan, as a Scammer, if she, herself, is not the Scammer. I am not poor. With my occupational Pension and State Pension combined, I will be paying Income Tax. Not a lot but Income Tax nonetheless and this is despite my collecting my occupational Pension Lumpsum ca 10 Years ago to settle Debts. I own my Home outright with Rooms for Guests. This is no big Deal. Some six Years ago, I owned multiple Properties but I am now much less wealthy. I have beautiful Clothes, Footwear (about one Hundred Pairs among them Alligator, Crocodile, and part Snake, and big Names too, but for the Stingray that I consider would burn too much Hole in my Pockets), Scarfs, even Neck Ties (Silk handmade that I do not wear; only 5 though). I am gold “bling, bling;” a Ring on one Finger of both Hands, multiple on the Neck, and a Bracelet for each Wrist. I have two Diamond Rings but I only wear one. I am not exactly debt free (about £5,000) but it is nothing, really. So, exactly what would I want to scam anyone for; to buy a private Jet? Ah, about that. I can afford to travel to anywhere I wish to. On this third so-called Online dating Platform, in Addition to insulting me for not responding to their Messages, some question why I registered on the Site in the first Place. Some, though, are reasonable in wondering whether I had found their introductory Lines unpalatable. The curious thing is that I have not opened most of the Messages. I know of what they have written because certain Messages are succinct. There was even a Comment that more or less came close to the Truth when she messaged me with “why do men not reply ...” How could we when we are getting ruined financially to talk to you on these so-called Online dating Sites and all you want to talk to us about are silly things like “do you find me attractive?” or “do you think I am good looking?” What Man talks to a Woman if he does not see her beautiful? It is not about comparing Looks. It is what the Beholder sees. 

I find ‘morally disoriented’© these Women insulting me for not responding to them and querying my Presence on the Site. First, they are looking for ‘Acquaintanceship’. They can all read that I am seeking Permanency. On this Basis alone, I do not have to respond to them. We are after different Goals. Second, even if I too just wanted ‘Acquaintanceship’, do I not have the Right, not Choice, of who I want to be acquainted with? Must I get to know a Woman because she demands it? Coming at me the Way they are, is sexual Harassment in UK Law. I have contacted Women on other so called Online dating Sites. When they had simply ignored me, have I gone on the Rampage berating or undermining them for not talking to me in order to bully them into contacting me? Adults should grow up.

My Position on chatting Costs on the so-called Online dating Platforms is primarily three fold. (1) It is simply idiotic of me to be wasting Money talking to Women who are not interested in my Objective. They want 'Acquaintanceship’ while I need an intimate and singular Relationship. I ain’t the ‘good Samaritan' for Christ’s Sake to be assuaging some Women’s Insecurity about themselves, that is, if they are actually Women and not some lowlife Men assuming the Guise of a Woman or some lowlife Women hunting their next Prey. If I expect the Woman wanting 'Acquaintanceship’ to revise her Objective to coincide with mine of needing a serious Relationship, I would be manufacturing Disaster for myself. Nobody changes. We are intrinsically what we are. Change revolves around Attitude. Attitude is Inherence. We can modify Behaviours but almost never Attitudes. I know Women to be resolute. They can be single-minded in what they desire. This is why many of them are battered in unhealthy Relationships with horrid Men yet they remain. They could also be cruel with their Single-mindedness.  So, if a Woman says she is interested only in 'Acquaintanceship’, she should leave me alone. We aren’t ‘goaling’© for the same Post. I ain’t gonna approach her. Ironically, the Stupidity of the Man or perhaps better put, the Arrogance of the Man, in believing he can divert the Woman from her Want to his Need has been weaponized by the so-called Online dating Sites to invade, and possibly destroy, the financial Resources of those Men with guzzling Chat Costs. Wake up, Men, be smart as Women are. We need a lot of catching up though. They are naturally the smarter gender. It is Nature’s Law. Scammer Men on the so-called Online dating Sites have studied Women’s thinking and Ways of doing Things. (2) It is simply against normative Logic to continue Conversation with excessive Costs on the so-called Online dating Sites with a Woman I fancy and who claims she is keen on me too. It is not cost effective and it is definitely distant. (3) When eventually, we start seeing each other, the Woman who subjected me to wasting my Money messaging her through the so-called dating Sites would want me to take her on “romantic” Outings, buy her nice Things, and perhaps take her on Holidays. The Lady who said she did not trust me to give me her Mobile Number requested “a romantic” first Date. Just imagine that. She is on an Ego Trip, most certainly. 

Even if One were talking to genuine and sincere Women on these so-called Online dating Sites, to keep paying these astronomical Prices to converse on imagined Possibility of a Relationship when the Woman’s Want antagonizes your Need is like throwing tonloads of large Gravels in the Air above a huge Field and hoping that one Gravel just might hit a Game Meat. These so-called Online dating Platforms are no more than Predators in the Costs they force Men to pay in  searching for serious Relationships. These Costs cannot, prima facie, be justified. They are simply atrocious. My Advice to Men, including to myself, is to do the Search first within our ‘closed field[s]'. 

Let me relate another of my Experiences on ‘closed fields'. I was about 20 Years old then, and living in Nigeria. I was talking to a male Friend on the Grounds of our Employer's huge Estate when I saw this most beautiful young Woman, about my Age. I asked my Friend who she was and was advised she had newly been employed. Few Days later, I went on Leave. I returned two Weeks down the Road to find that she was already good Friends with my Friend. Nothing more than work Friends. I was still going to my Friend’s Section where she worked during my break Times – they worked upstairs and I was downstairs – but I always blanked her but talked to the other young Women. They all liked me though nothing more than that. I ignored her because I was afraid to talk to her lest she accused me of taking Advantage of her being Friends with my Friend, but every time I saw her, my Heart jumped. I could not bear talking to her without being in a Relationship with her. She was to describe me in a Manner akin to “Humourist” and “elegant” when we later became Friends. I was dressing well even then and always wore Fragrances, and everyone, including fellow young Men and our Managers, called me ‘elegant’, anyway. Some Managers just loved me because of the Way I dressed and it was why I could go to other Offices and disturb them with Sweet sharing. Whenever I went to my Friend’s Section I would buy Loads of Goodies and spread them on a large Table for all to share and crack Jokes. She would not participate until one Day she did, as she was going out of the Section. This was about three Months or so into her Employment. I said nothing to her and she said nothing to me. I cannot remember correctly whether it was on that Day or on another when she approached me while I was standing speaking with our Friend. She came directly to me. My Heart skipped when she called my Name. She then asked “why did you not say anything when I took one of the Sweets you bought?” I replied with “say anything like what?” She responded with “get angry or something?” I assured her with “I bought the Sweets for all to share.” She would not let go and continued with “but, it is your Money.” I just wanted her to go away. This was a Woman whose Sight always killed me inside and it was the main Reason I avoided her and she was in front of me, occupying me and would not leave. I rejoined with “I bought the Sweets for all to share. They did not cost much.” I noted that our Friend was standing with us very much uncomfortably. This Lady then called my Name again and asked “why do you ignore me? Why do you not talk to me?” Our Friend froze on his Feet. I looked at her and said “I want to be ... with you from the very first Day I saw you but when I came back from Leave you were already Friends with him. I did not to talk to you in case you accused me of Audacity hiding under Cover of your Friendship with my Friend.” What does “... mean?” She inquired. It was now that our Friend relaxed. He burst out laughing and explained to her: “he wanted you as a girlfriend.” She looked at me and said “I would have accepted to be your Woman. Only if you had asked then. I am now in a Relationship, but will you be my Friend?” Somehow, I was healed. She was not offering me what I desired. That was my Fault. She was right there for me all along in our ‘closed field’. What she offered was to become a most beautiful Friendship. She came to my Aid without my asking when an intimate ex-Girlfriend – from her Section whom I connected with after we became Friends – assaulted me right there in their Section in View of everyone and also seizing my Sunglasses adamantly refusing to return them. They were a little expensive, as they were collapsible. My Sin with that intimate ex-Girlfriend was breaking up with her for reneging on splitting with her Boyfriend as she promised me. That was my Condition for accepting an intimate Relationship with her when she asked me to. My female Friend – the Love I threw away – shouted across from Upstairs to the Foreground of our Work Compound for my intimate ex-Girlfriend to return my Sunglasses otherwise she would have her to reckon with and she was extremely furious at that intimate ex-Girlfriend for assaulting me in the first place that I had to plead with her to let go of the intimate ex-Girlfriend. The ex gave the Sunglasses back immediately even though I had resigned myself to not ever having them again. I lost Contact eventually with my ‘unfulfilled Love’© for about six Years, five of which she spent in London, UK studying and with the Man I lost her to. Then, one Day I observed a Lady from the back standing on the front Steps of the Central Bank of Nigeria. It is a considerable Distance, but I do not have the Measure. I was on the Street of the Bank with the Wife of the oldest Son of my Parents. I had not heard that my unfulfilled Love had returned from London, but I knew instinctively that the Woman whose Back I was looking at from that long Distance was the Love I denied myself. I called out her Name. She looked back and Magic happened. She screamed my Name and came rushing into my Arms. She did not even care if she tripped on the Stairs of the Bank’s Entrance. We could not be intimate physically, though. She was married to him; the Man I lost her to. Even if she wanted us to be physically intimate, which she would not, I would not do that to her. I loved her too much. The Wife of the oldest Son of my Parents – she is European – never believed that my unfilled Love and I never had sexual Intimacy. That Interaction in the Vicinity of the Central Bank of Nigeria misdirected her. My unfilled Love and I never even kissed. Our Intimacy was ‘Intimacy of Souls’©. We would have been together if only I had paid Attention to the Gift my ‘closed Field' offered me. This was about 46 Years ago. As it is, I have been through more than one Divorce. Wherever you are and you somehow come across this, you will know I am talking about you. You called me “Pepsi” from one of my Names you knew as “Peps.” Wherever you are, TJ, my beloved, may the Almighty never forsake you. If you had ever told our Story to your Children, this is Confirmation that you did not lie. I loved you immensely. Peace with you eternally. This is from me, your “Pepsi,” who loved you without Restraint. So, Men, look around your ‘closed Field’ first to find your Desire. No, no, no; Silly, the ‘closed field’ is not limited to my Story of beloved TJ. ‘Closed Field[s]' are all around you; simply identify your’s (‘yours’ is incorrect Pronoun, actually. It started as the Illiteracy these Days of “Mens”). Now, I want my Readers to please note that I do not consider myself Nigerian. I do not carry the Passport and will never again. I was born in colonial Times in Africa as a ‘Citizen of the United Kingdom and Colonies’ (CUKC). My Right to the “Nigerian” Citizenship was the Imposition of retrospective Law which, paradoxically, is unlawful. My Family Origin is Fulani (Fula) although my Father hid it in Public but not to me. Ergo, I see myself in these Terms of ‘African’, ‘Fulani’ and ‘CUKC’ (now ‘British’).

Ipemndoh dan Iyan PhM©

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25 September